gratitude

It was Thanksgiving here (in the US) yesterday, and of course I practiced plenty of reflection on what I can/should be/am thankful for.

We (my love and I- the young adults were all celebrating elsewhere, Thijs was actually climbing a mountain in Colorado, Vera and Emma were being wined and dined by NYU in Paris) did not have the traditional dinner. I didn't feel like it (lot of reflection on the whole refugees/immigrants issues, and we are recent immigrants too). So I made a very nice pot of soup (onion, potato, tomato, kale, and chickpeas, if you must know).

On any given day, I usually try to 'walk the way of the seven joys', although I do not count anymore because there are always more. I simply try to find small and large moments of beauty, fun, quiet, connection, etc. I frequently text my children the word ' enjoy'. If I really think about it, my life is so fortunate, I can't even begin to 'list' what I am grateful for.

And then today, while I was enjoying hobby-ing around (baking, cooking, knitting, quilt making), it dawned on me: I am incredibly thankful for the gift of reading (okay and a bit of math).

WIP 

I thought about how my life would be very very different if I could not, for whatever reason, read.  I can follow a recipe,  I can half or double that recipe, I can read a knitting pattern (with a little help from my friend at http://cowroad.blogspot.com/ ) I can read my doctor's instructions, I understand posted public anouncements, I can enjoy books, I can function in a world that uses the printed word more than you realize until you think about it.

When we meet with families in my job, we usually ask how they like their information. And sometimes they say 'verbally'. And sometimes that means that they have difficulty with reading. So they don't know what it says on the discharge instructions. They can't measure their childs formula/medication without using techniques/tools that do not involve reading or math. They nowadays have some cool electronic options, still, much of the information they need is not accessible to them. Even if you explain things verbally,  like the rest of us, they can't remember everything...

remembering forward

I don't even know where to start. Since last time I shared some thoughts and pictures. A season ago. Some moons ago (one of them a harvest moon eclipse!).

 I have found time- to the detriment of other activities of course, such as keeping house - to start cutting for Emma's quilt. This helps me settle, be alone with my thoughts and helps me grieve, process my father-in-law's recent death.

Here he is, in a portrait that my love took with his phone during a spring 2014 visit to the Netherlands. He had the gift of enjoying small things in life. He used to say to me "as long as you are here, you will be well taken care of" (and made good on that promise). If I talked to him during weekly phonecalls, he always asked whether things were still good between my love and me.

Another portrait, done by Vera several years ago. Signature 'over the glasses' look and smile. He worked hard all his life and was a volunteer fire fighter. So many people in town will miss his presence, but of course close family most of all. The circle of life is rough.

Even if you can look back on 'great years' like my mother-in-law said. May those memories give her some peace.

And perhaps the already planned demolition of our master bathroom (finally- we have joked for a while that this was the first room we thought we would tackle and is now almost last) was somewhat therapeutic for Thijs and my love.

I may eventually show  before and after pictures, but I will have to swallow some shame first over the 'before'. The 'after' is going to be quite 'swanky' as one of my co-workers exclaimed over the proposed plan.

Only fun things

..is what I promised my mom I would do today. Sorry mom, it didn't quite work out that way, although I guess as always, it is a matter of perspective. Or perception?

Luxury problems really- Gus got me up early just like the past three days (although Saturday I went for an early start myself, considering the oil change and long list of errands) so I thought I'd mow the lawn and get it over with.

I did finish a book! First since our trip in June. I liked this one, "the daughter" by Jane Shemilt. Probably easier to relate to if you are a working mom with teenagers (or past that age) but still, the general theme of  'do we ever really know an other person/ ourselves' and how people tend to keep their established perceptions of other people even if they change, does its job of provoking thoughts. What shapes your perceptions, and how do perceptions then shape your interpretations-

The floors were really begging to  be cleaned mom, so I am still working on that, in between sorting and tidying and laundry tasks. And bread baking and such.

The fun part comes when I get to iron the cotton I washed for Emma's quilt, and when I start cutting and sewing. And, when my love arrives home from his travels. He was in Oxford, England for a few days and then in Paris, France where he spend some time hanging and exploring the city of light with our girls! I can't wait to hear all the stories.

While I was mowing this morning, I enjoyed this view of our 'natural' area on the one side, and did not enjoy the view of our neighbors's yards on the other. I am sure they are very disappointed in our yard keeping skills, because one of the first things they told us after we moved in was that they were hoping we would do a better job than our predecessors).

On the fun side, I also cuddled with various cats. They seem almost confused by the fact that I am home (although not kids, one can still feel guilty if the cats don't get a lot of attention). So all in all, I think, a balanced day. Okay mom? Love from your daughter.

happy birthday

to my true love. He turned 50 yrs today-

and now we are both standing on that 'hill', looking forward to tackling the coming ups and downs together, as we've done for (so many) years.

We've been talking about bucket lists. We've looked back on highlights of the years since we've met (sure, and not all was rose-colored!). The indisputable very best ' things we've done so far' are our awesome threesome.

The other night was the first in a long time (how long?) that we had dinner all together at our dining room table. The 'kids' took their 'usual' spots. We did too. It was almost like old times except that during old times (say, elementary, middle school and junior high) the three of them did not get along well at all. And now there is a real friendship, respect, and love.

Today, on my love's birthday, we brought Vera and Emma to the airport in the big city, from where they left together to study in the City of Light for (only) one semester. We had to kind of hurriedly say goodbyes because we had enjoyed a lovely lunch together (and there was road construction almost all the way), which may have been good anyway because in spite of best intentions and telling myself I should be completely used to this by now, I did shed a few tears. And the house felt oddly quiet (get a grip, this has been the case for the past two years!). How fortunate we are though, that they can follow this dream of studying and living in France, that Thijs can follow his heart and his interests, that they are growing more independent and adult, that we can have 'just the usual' worries about young adults navigating the world.

And none of these riches would have happened in my life if I had not met my love, if I had not gone against my rebellious thoughts when my mom mentioned that he was 'such a nice boy'. Long ago, someone asked me if I didn't find it unsettling that I had met him so early in life  (in high school), and what about other men who I may have fallen in love with out there? I answered that it really did not matter how many awesome men were out there if I was in love with this ONE. At that moment. Duh.

So, happy birthday love. Let's make the rest of it a blast as well.

ohm

Oh the joy of air travel (it makes me personally extremely nervous when flying over a large body of water). Emma is scheduled to arrive today, when precisely is just not clear and has not been clear for most of the day. One flight cancelled, another cancelled, the third now on hold, waiting for their turn on the tarmac.

window in Vera's 'old' apartment in the big city

Numerous texts back and forth. Keeping an eye on the flight info. Luckily, Emma has a positive attitude about this : she just would like to arrive today. I am thinking about how easy it is nowadays to keep abreast of every minute and move (or standstill), due to technology. So really, it is not at all a bad thing for the airlines to cancel flying through a storm, it is just a minor inconvenience (not a tragedy).

Meanwhile, I can update you all on some finally finished projects. A quilt for Thijs, started three years ago, a shawl for me (in hopes of one day feeling cold again).

I can't decide whether I should start one of the thousands of other projects I have planned (first in line would be a quilt for Emma, we have picked the fabric and I think I know which pattern) or study for my clinical license, or none of the above and get serious about moving more.

Mostly, evenings are busy with cooking, , ironing, sometimes cleaning, relaxing for a while, and a little bit of work for work as well...and weekends the same. How do other people do it? No idea. I'm sure I will figure it out one way or the other. And Emma will get home eventually.

August

It is August, and so naturally, the stores are full with products for the end of October and beyond. Same every year I guess, but it always takes me by surprise.

The past couple of years, August has also been the month for moving the awesome threesome to better and/or other places. Thijs arrived last night with a truck full of stuff from Vera and himself. Some of it is now in our garage and will make its way slowly (back) into the house.

Some of Thijs' possessions have been neatly packed into a storage unit (all that training in my in-laws' grocery store comes in very handy for my love) until the time is bridged and it will move to what is likely Thijs' last apartment in the college town down south.

Vera is bridging the time to her move over the ocean in a room she is renting for a few weeks, and some of Emma's non-essentials will be spending their fall-semester in a storage unit in the big city.

It is a tad chaotic, and so, at first glance, is our yard. Granted, some more weeding could be happening, but we are in fact aiming for a free-growing flower and green fest. To the dismay of some of our neighbors, I know.

Soon enough it will be autumn and the green will die down. That comes with its own beauty, and in my opinion, better temperatures. For the young ones, excitement over new places to live and study. For now though, I would like to enjoy the abundance in color, sun, and jungle sounds that is August.

parenting

Technically (one of Emma's favorite words growing up) we are 'done', my love and I, with the raising part of parenting. Our children are adults (and 'grand-adults' instead of grand-children, like Vera said). This past weekend we enjoyed the company of our awesome threesome in the big city.

And while marveling at how indeed grown-up they are and act, I felt that as with many things, I never did appreciate how fast time goes and that you can't undo or edit the past, you can't insert or adjust the tone, take back, give more.

I know I was far from the model parent I wished I was- often too stressed over things that really should not have mattered, too often I strayed from my ideals because of what other people thought or what I thought they would think (if you follow). Did I teach the kids all I should have? Is it too late to impart some wisdom? Of course, they have to figure things out for themselves and that is always the best way to learn- but still.

We attempted to partake in two of the many events that were 'going on' in the city, and both times it literally rained on our parade- but really that did not matter and we had a great time anyway.

We walked and talked, discussed, joked, teased, and sat down to do more of that while enjoying big city amenities.

We talked about memories and more about the future. We visited Thijs's job site. We missed out on visiting Vera's job/school/exhibit site because we ran out of time.

In the end, I hope they did hear me when I told them that I love them, unconditionally- which means, my dears, that we don't always have to agree on life choices or ideas, and that we can tell each other this without it affecting that love, and that, in turn, means that I only wish for you to be true to yourself as much as you can. Even if I did not exactly always model that.